Changes chez Chtatou

I was in Ifrane this weekend and only just really got back to the Chtatou residence. I'm going to post about that trip and on other things too, but first I think I need to update on what happened when I got back.

Driss, my father's good friend who is the president of Al Akhawayn University in Ifrane (more on that in the next post) was so busy this weekend that I only saw him for breakfast on Sunday. I think that's why he wanted me to spend the night with him and his wife in Rabat when we got back. I called Mohamed Chtatou to let him know that I would be stopping by to get a few things but not spending the night there, and he said that was fine. Which is why I was confused when his wife answered the door and looked sort of surprised to see me.

When I told her that I had called Mohamed, she told me in French, "Mohamed is not here, his brother died yesterday." I was shocked, and so reacted by saying "quoi??" which means "what??" but I think she mistook my shock for language miscomprehension, and so said in English, "Your brother is dead."

Luckily I don't have a brother and I am aware that her English isn't great. Either way, I was pretty shocked and a bit flustered. I grabbed my few things, explaining that I was spending the night with friends to Sourour who was excited to introduce me to her friend who was over playing. I was glad the kids seemed ok, and in fact when I came home today and told Sourour I was sorry again, she said, "why?" When I told her because of her uncle, she said "ah, I forgot!" So I think they're ok. In fact Driss told me that there are some studies showing that kids don't really get the idea of death before they're twelve. It turns out his brother (who was 59 and has kids...the oldest is my age) died of a heart attack on Saturday, totally unexpected.

I wasn't sure if I was going to be a burden though. Driss went to visit Mohamed at his brother's (and I gave my condolences over the phone), and when we had dinner that night I asked him what he thought. Luckily, he said he had had the same idea and that he had asked Mohamed if he wanted me to spend a few nights with them. Apparently Mohamed said that it wasn't a problem and that the kids and his wife were at home. Driss also said that in the Moroccan and Arabic traditions you're supposed to be there and spend time with those in mourning; in fact, it's seen as a bad thing to leave them in their time of need. I'm so sad for Mohamed, he's such a lovely man. But he's made it pretty clear that I should stay. When he came home the first thing he said to me was, "Welcome back! We missed you," and told me that Sourour asked when I was coming back every night.

It's interesting though...I asked Driss how Mohamed was doing, and he said that he was doing ok, he seemed pretty at peace with what had happened. As Driss explained it to me, in the Islamic faith it's a big thing to think of everything that happens as part of destiny, God's will--insh'allah, as they say in Arabic, "God willing." I had originally heard about this approach to life when one of my dad's friends explained why people will cross the street regardless of oncoming traffic and with little worry. If you get hit, he explained, then it was meant to happen. So whatever happens, it's destiny. God's will.

What was even more interesting to me though, is that when I told a few Muslim people at AMIDEAST this, that was basically their immediate reaction. Death happens. Yamina, my French tutor, quoted Sartre, something about how as soon as we're born we're dying. I can't get over how well everyone seems to accept death as part of the life cycle. It also made me think a lot about how having grounded spiritual beliefs like these can really provide solace during difficult times. The idea that "everything happens for a reason" is something often quoted to people going through difficult times, but most people I know don't find much comfort in these words until some time later. It's impressive to see how people really believe this idea and support each other in mourning. Which I will write about in my next post, since last night I spent the night with their family and it was quite the cultural experience.